


like glass

by morino



Series: [ verse ] - bend don't break (year 3) [6]
Category: springwave
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 08:11:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12031770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morino/pseuds/morino
Summary: did he say no? he's said no more times than i can count on one hand.like heroes and bandaids, nothing and no one can fix everything (but chicken and hiwan can make it feel better for a little while).[ bend don't break; hiwan/hyuntak ]





	like glass

Hiwan had spent most of his morning with Kyungwon, going over the steps for the variety show they were due to be on at the weekend. It had been mind numbingly boring, despite Kyungwon trying to make it interesting. He'd picked up chicken on his way back with the hopes that maybe Hyuntak would want to share. After getting a vague answer from Ryung about where he was, hiwan decided to check Hyuntak's room. He knocks twice before pushing it open. "I brought chicken."

 

.

 

Hyuntak knew he had forgotten something. As he peaks up from where he is on his bed, abandoned phone still perched on one of his pillows, Hyuntak realizes what it was. Originally he thought it was the dignity he forgot to pick up from the sofa on his way out, but no. He sees Hiwan and it dawns on him: he had forgotten to barricade his bedroom door. "That's great." He sounds as enthusiastic as a rock. "Now get out." Hyuntak looks away from Hiwan and grabs his phone, an attempt to make himself look busy.

 

.

 

Hiwan frowns, actually taking in the view of Hyuntak. It's confusing for him - he had expected some taunt about how he'd already eaten, or something along those lines that would make Hiwan unnecessarily angry. Not this. "What?" He feels his body tense and he contemplates reaching for the handle and leaving. "Did I do something wrong?"

 

.

 

"Get out." It seems like a sufficient answer to Hiwan's question. What a waste of time this must be for him, Hyuntak thinks, when he could just get all of this from his accomplice's mouth; teeth clashing and lips bitten red as they laughed and laughed and laughed. Hyuntak doesn't even look much different than he did when he left the lounge - he changed into something more comfortable, that helped him forget earlier today ever happened, and his eyes aren't as puffy. If anything, the version of himself that Ryung saw would be more entertaining to describe. Such a waste.

 

.

 

"No." Hiwan steps closer to the bed, closer to Hyuntak. "What have I done?" He frowns as he gets closer to Hyuntak, finally taking in his face for the first time that afternoon. "Have you been crying?" He places the box of chicken on the bedside table, stern as he watches hyuntak. "What's happened?"

 

.

 

His phone isn't large enough to cover the entirety of his face. He wishes he had the power to know that this was going to happen, he would have stolen a book from Kyungwon and spent all this time pretending he was reading and not moping like he actually was. But he didn't, and now Hiwan's casting an even bigger shadow on his life. "Do you have the comprehension skills of an infant?" He tosses the phone back onto the pillow as he sits up. It sides down and lands on the flat of the bed after it lands. "Out is not in. The door is that way. Get. Out."

 

.

 

"Hyuntak." Hiwan steps back as Hyuntak tosses his phone. He doesn't want to go - he wants to know what's happened and if he can do anything to help. He tries to recall whether he'd done anything or said anything that could have warranted such a response from Hyuntak. "I heard you, but I'm not going. Now tell me what the fuck I did."

 

.

 

"Just ask Ryung!" His voice almost breaks in the midst of his outburst, almost, and Hyuntak takes a moment to pat himself on the back for managing to keep his voice steady. It's the little things. Granted, it doesn't make him feel that much better, but it's something. "You got what you fucking wanted, go be happy about it somewhere that isn't here."

 

.

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." And then it slowly dawns on him what could have possibly happened while hadn't been here. "Wait." The only thing he can make out from this entire exchange is that Hyuntak's plan to woo Ryung failed and this was the aftermath. He doesn't feel at all happy, not if Hyuntak feels like  _ this _ . "What the fuck happened?"

 

.

 

He's already so tired of this. Hyuntak looks down at his bed, considers crawling under the covers and ignoring Hiwan until he did the smart thing, listened to him, and disappeared. But everything's the other's done up until this point says he's not in the business of smart choices this afternoon. Hyuntak crosses his legs, winding his fingers around each ankle, and leans forward like he's about to share a secret around a campfire. "What do you think happened, Hiwan?"

 

.

 

"Did he say no?" Hiwan frowns. "Then why is it making you like this? He's said no more times than I can count on one hand." It's a genuine confusion at this point, and hiwan still doesn't know why hyuntak is so angry with him. "But what does that have to do with the way you're yelling at  _ me _ ?" He frowns. "What did  _ I _ do?"

 

.

 

"Because he  _ didn't _ ." Hyuntak doesn't know what he hates more: having to relive the embarrassment of this morning, or Hiwan making him say it all himself. Can he hate both equally as much and at the same time? He thinks he'll go for that. "I'm not that stupid, alright? I know what the two of you did. And it wasn't funny, at all."

 

.

 

"I had nothing to do with that." Hiwan feels a pang of frustration at Ryung for whatever it is that he did, or didn't do. "Whatever he did to you was of his own accord, and I wouldn't purposely do anything that would make you so..." he waves a hand in Hyuntak's direction. He then remembers how Ryung had been sat watching the reversion, not really phased by what had apparently happened. And the frustration turned into anger.

 

.

 

"I'm a mess, I know. Congratulations." He's not sure if it's Hiwan or another wave of exhaustion that makes him soften, but he does. His glare falls away and his legs straighten out, but he doesn't for a second believe Hiwan didn't know about this. It's the only way he can make sense of today, he's not letting his anchor go. "I told you," Hyuntak pauses to take the box of chicken and transfer it to his other bedside table, hopefully out of Hiwan's reach. "So go."

 

.

 

"No." Hiwan doesn't know what he can do to make hyuntak understand and believe that he had nothing to do with whatever Ryung had done. He doesn't care about the chicken, he's more bothered about how Hyuntak seems so far from his usual self, and how he somehow thinks Hiwan would go to the length to hurt him. "I can't leave when you're this upset. Not when you think I had something to do with it."

 

.

 

He's beginning to wish he had that book again, only now it's less for the use of cover and more because he needs something to throw at Hiwan's face. Maybe squashing that cap of his underneath the book would hurt him more. "What a saint, my hero. My pillar of strength. My shoulder to cry on. So virtuous." He has his hands clasped in front of his chest, batting his eyelashes for added effect. His hands drop the minute he's done trying to sate Hiwan.

 

.

 

"I'm not trying to be a hero, Hyuntak." He frowns, and then wonders if he's fighting s losing battle and should just wave his white flags and confront Ryung instead. He'd probably get more of a straight answer from him. "I haven't done anything wrong except maybe give you the benefit of the doubt when you were waving your ass in my face last week. Along with your 'office of men'." Hiwan rolls his eyes. "Whatever Ryung did or didn't do is on him. So you can stop being a little brat to me."

 

.

 

"It's your fucking fault." Hyuntak knows that it isn't, not when it comes to his own actions at least. It's why the heat dissipates from his voice before he can put the emphasis where he wants it. But Hyuntak didn't need a refresher on that conversation either, so he says it anyway. Because even if it isn't Hiwan's fault, it is. Sort of. Sighing, Hyuntak glances over to the chicken he'd stolen in plain sight. It  _ would _ better not to be everything else he is right now on an empty stomach. So he takes the box and deposited it onto his thigh.

 

.

 

Hiwan watches him carefully, as he moves the chicken, as he tells him off. He knows he might be partly to blame just because he hadn't exactly dissuaded hyuntak from  _ trying _ to get what he wanted from Ryung. But he didn't know how things would turn out either. "I promise that I didn't. I'll leave but I need you to believe me."

 

.

 

"Do what you want," he mumbles, grabbing himself a piece of chicken. He takes one bite of it as his free hand lifts the box from his thigh and places it on the bed, between him and Hiwan. Then he picks his phone off the covers to pretend to fiddle with it some more; something to distract him from paying any further attention to whatever Hiwan decides to do with his life.

 

.

 

He waits, that's all he does. He waits for some kind of peace between himself and a hyuntak. And he takes the other eating chicken as a sort of 'swords down' motion. He's hesitant as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed, not looking at Hyuntak as he does. He keeps himself quiet for now, hoping that will let hyuntak calm down.

 

.

 

It gets under his skin after only a couple of moments, the quiet they're both surrounded by. "Are you a ghost?" is the rhetorical questions Hyuntak uses to break the silence, only a little muffled, his annoyance downplayed some by the bite he's tucked into one of his cheeks so he could speak. He makes sure to finish what's left in his mouth and rid himself of the chubby cheek before he turns to Hiwan. "If you're going to stay, eat something. You just sitting there's creeping me out."

 

.

 

He doesn't hesitate at Hyuntak words, grabbing a piece of he chicken he'd bought and biting off some. He doesn't look at Hyuntak just yet, doesn't trust himself to not ask anymore questions about what happened while he was out this morning. "I figured you'd claimed it as your own."

 

.

 

"I did." He doesn't realise his body's gone tense again until he's lifting a piece to his mouth and the familiar action feels strange around his shoulders, like trying to pull off a strenuous dance move for the first time. Hyuntak does what he would do if this were practice: he takes a breath to try and relax his muscles. He tries to be as quiet as possible, figuring at this point that Hiwan might ask what it was about if he wasn't as quiet about it.

 

.

 

"Well thank you." He wants to smile, he wants to try and figure out a way for things to return to normal, at least remotely for this moment in time. "I won't make you tell me." He says quietly after a moment and after he's swallowed his mouthful. "But if you want to, I won't judge." He finally looks at Hyuntak, and then decides it's the wrong words to use.

 

.

 

They're here, he might as well. It's not like Hiwan's never going to know what happened when he walks out that door. There's a reason Hyuntak's been avoiding going out as much as he could, thankful that his scheduled allowed him the excuse today. He'll find out eventually.  _ Just rip if off like a band aid. _ "I told Ryung to fuck me," maybe not in as many words, "and he almost did. And then he... said shit. We didn't. The end."

 

.

 

He wants to ask what was said, he wants to know more about why it's seemingly shaken Hyuntak so much. "Oh." He knows he should respond with more words than just that. But he's not quite sure what else to say they doesn't involve pressing the matter further. "What did he say?" He eventually asks after swallowing another mouthful of chicken.

 

.

 

"Does it matter?" he snaps back.  _ Yes, it does, _ his mind immediately supplies. It's not like Hiwan doesn't already know. And when his mind starts to doubt that idea, Hyuntak very easily ignores that voice of supposed logic. "It's not like I wanted to sleep with him anyway," Hyuntak supplies after a moment, his attempt at trying to be less defensive, before chewing on more of his chicken.

 

.

 

Hiwan shakes his head once he looks st hyuntak, the defensiveness making him flinch. "No it doesn't." He sighs, picking at the chicken before he places a piece in his mouth. He finishes that bite and places the half eaten piece on the lid of the box. "Okay." He smiles, or attempts one. He's not going to bring up the constant attempts that hyuntak has made, however false they were. All he knew was that Ryung had done something foolish enough to make hyuntak less, well,  _ Hyuntak _ .

 

.

 

"I didn't!" Because he didn't. He can practically hear Hiwan trying to appease him, like he's some feral animal that needs love and care and agreeable keepers otherwise it'll go on a rampage and kills everyone in sight. Or maybe that's just Hyuntak projecting again. It doesn't take away from the fact he doesn't like the way Hiwan said it, or that weird thing he's trying to do with his mouth. "I never--It wasn't about that before, okay?"

 

.

 

"Okay." Hiwan nods, a little more sincere this time. "You challenged yourself, and you wanted to win. That's what you do." It's a statement that is meant to be matter of fact, not offensive. "But you said before? Before he was going to let you?" He hopes this is okay to ask, he picks at his chicken again, putting another piece into his mouth.

 

.

 

Hyuntak doesn't know if that's supposed to make him feel better. It doesn't necessarily make him feel  _ worse _ , he just has no idea what to do with it. The look on his face probably says the same. And then Hyuntak sweeps the words under a rug, where he won't have to think about them until he accidentally trips on them later. The next question doesn't wipes the confused look from Hyuntak's face, and he turn his head away. "...Before you opened your stupid mouth."

 

.

 

He frowns a little, and then realises what hyuntak means. "Oh." Hiwan rubs at the back of his neck. He figures it was the dumb conversation they'd had last week where he'd all but said he didn't care. Hiwan  _ did _ care, but he didn't know if he was supposed to let Hyuntak know that. "So I guess it is my fault, indirectly?" He frowns. "Because I was an asshole?"

 

.

 

It's a petty detail to pick out considering the circumstances and the bigger picture, but Hyuntak has made noise over less. "Oh, so  _ now _ you're an asshole?" He rolls his eyes but doesn't linger too long on it, filing it away for a later date. "I didn't... care before." Hyuntak's hesitation to share is easy to see, and he's not sure why he's so uncertain about sharing this. It's not some big secret, just a realisation he had while he furious rubbed at wet cheeks. Maybe the moment it hit him was the reason for his hesitancy, come to think of it; he's still... sensitive about this. "I wasn't planning on sleeping with him. It was just... fun. Like when I eat your leftovers." It's not a perfect analogy, but he hopes it'll do. "Even - even when I said I would, I didn't...."

 

.

 

Hiwan laughs softly, sincerely, at Hyuntak's words. "We both know I'm always an asshole." He picks at another piece of the chicken, popping it into his mouth as he watches Hyuntak. Watches him as he continues to speak - while he lets off more than Hiwan thinks he's ever done. He doesn't know if he can assume to know what Hyuntak is talking about in terms of caring. There's another laugh when he mentions he leftovers. "Only it's not as easy as eating leftovers, is it?"

 

.

 

"I eat all your leftovers, I don't eat all your food." He maybe shouldn't have inadvertently confessed to that - he doesn't eat them  _ all _ of the time, but Hyuntak likes to believe he's successfully pinned it on other people enough times that this information being known to Hiwan could be damaging. "And if I flirt with someone, it doesn't mean I want to fuck them, too. But you--you never when to shut up! And I was still mad about it. So..." Hyuntak trails off, looking a little sheepish. But he's back to frowning soon, his face an exaggerated showcase of how frustrated he is about even mentioning this. "I'm not even hungry anymore," he mutters, lightly shoving the box further away from himself.

 

.

 

"I know." Hiwan sighs. "I know I don't." He moves the chicken even further away by placing it on the bedside table, leaning across just for a second. "I'm sorry for not being helpful, for pushing you too far." He truly is, he just doesn't know how to show it sincerely. "You totally just confessed to eating all of my leftovers though." He says after a moment. "So those times I told Kihun where to shove his hairspray...."

 

.

 

Hyuntak isn't sure if that's what he meant by all of that. No, he's sure that it isn't. He doesn't know what he's trying to get across, but it's not that. His frown deepens at the apology, at this entire day. Getting things off your chest is supposed to make you feel better, but Hyuntak think this might actually be worse. And then Hiwan's bringing up his leftovers, because of course he is, and Hyuntak starts shifting so his legs are under the covers again. "I didn't. It was Kihun." It's his attempt at keeping the mood light, or light enough that Hiwan won't feel obligated to stick around anymore. "You should check on him, he's probably eating whatever you left in the fridge right now."

 

.

 

"Yeah, yeah." Hiwan keeps his gaze on hyuntak as he shuffles under the bed. Hiwan gets the message this time, and realises that he should probably just leave and have Ryung explain the finer details to him. "That's your way of telling me to get out again, huh?" He shifts anyway, grabbing the box of chicken and closing is properly. "Are you gonna be alright?" He asks as he turns to face Hyuntak.

 

.

 

Hyuntak just stares at Hiwan, blatantly not answering his question, before shimming down the bed and pulling the covers up to his shoulders. He considers facing away from Hiwan once he's settled in, but eventually decides to face him, one of his hands resting under his cheek. "Do you want me to swoon at you on your way out, hero?"

 

.

 

"Do you ever turn your swooning off, Hyuntak?" He asks with a smile, though the question is rhetorical, because he knows the answer already. "If you decide that you wanna play damsel in distress and crawl into my bed at any point, I'd be happy for the company." He adds as he turns to put his hand on the door.

 

.

 

"You're disgusting." If he were in a better mood, Hyuntak would poke his tongue out, too. He chooses then to turn around, pulling the covers over his head even though they'll just be lowered the minute he hears the door close and Hiwan's on the other side of it.

 

.

 

"I learned from the best." Hiwan says with a light laugh, opening the door. "See you later Hyuntak." He throws over his shoulder before he's leaving the bedroom, chicken still in his hand.

 


End file.
